i woke up yesterday with a high fever so i decided to just curl up all day and read back issues of time magazine. it was information overload right down to the core. at least it took my mind off my lesser worries. here are the things i learned:

1. yuan was reevaluated and increased 2.1% in value which produced mixed effects on china’s export sector.
2. bush is turning a blind eye on karl rove’s exposition of a covert cia operative.
3. free aceh movement promised to lay down arms and help rebuild aceh after the tsunami.
4. london is enlisting the help of spain and france in cracking down the terrorist network in their countries.
5. john cusack is still single. jude law is a philanderer. nicole kidman is doing another movie, this time it’s about werewolves.

and that’s how i cured my monday sickness.

i think i can finally write again. something was taken away from me and i just can’t let it go. in real life i will eventually let it go. i just have to. or at least i need to put a mask and show them that it doesnt affect me at all. but in my alternate reality i need to write it all down in order to forget and move on.

it would have been easier if some unknown faceless thief took it away from me, but to actually have someone in your own backyard do that, it’s quite irreparable. the real life me just smile it away or cover it up with jokes. they will never know how it digs a hole in me. emptying me. filling me with nothing.

hey g, if you’re reading this, thanks for your sms last time. yeah $h!+ happens. i just can’t believe this is happening to me. pinch me again. i need to wake up from this bad dream.

just because you saw the moon first doesn’t mean its yours. even if you’ve landed on it or carved your name on its surface, it’s still no guarantee. well not unless the moon winked at you and relinquished its rightful place in the heavens. which i dont see happening in this lifetime or the next. so what’s the point really?

nothing. i’ve always associated the moon with things or people i could never have. thats why i used to write lots of moon poems back in college, it was like a tribute, an offering to the gods that be to let me have this one wish. i did have it eventually but only in borrowed time. and the price i had to pay was far too much for what i bargained for. the moon took it back all too soon and left me with what i started with. which was nothing really.

today i feel like another star was plucked from my sky. yes i saw it first, but so what? if i were the only person on this hill i could own it and say its mine, none would be the wiser. but im not the only person on this hill, and my star is too brilliant to stay in the night sky unnoticed. im selfish. i dont want to share it, so i’m letting it go. maybe i’ll find another spot and chart a comet or something, i just dont want to see that dream anymore, it breaks my heart everytime. and i hide my feelings too well, i dont even know it but im actually bleeding.

goodbye my orion, you’ve served your purpose, you once were that one bright spot in my otherwise dull existence. thank you for being exactly that. i couldnt ask for more.

children’s games are becoming weirder every day. i just read this article at cnn and it sounded like something straight from a stephen king novel. where do they get these ideas?

met up with edgar, ria, vincent and georgia last night. we had dinner at sentro and talked a lot about what’s new in cebu and in each others’ lives. it was more like an update on what we’ve missed so far..

while walking towards glorietta, gar asked this question: “if you were to choose right now, would you still choose this over the one you left behind there?”. it was a no brainer, i would still choose what i have now. there’s no point looking back, there’s nothing left there, just empty shells. at this point in my life, i don’t have room for regrets. i only wish i could make time go faster.

in a way, grown ups also play the choking game.

i’m again in the middle of the crossroads, this is why i don’t follow up things. i don’t know what i’d do when i actually get them. nah, i’m not making sense. i guess i should try to be less resistant to the unknown, after all the rest of the world is moving on. and going to rhein-erft. i should at least try and get up from this mud too.

for lack of anything else to blog about, i’m stealing this blog profile from ri hehe =) this is what mine says:

Your Blogging Type is Pensive and Philosophical

You blog like no one else is reading… You tend to use your blog to explore ideas – often in long winded prose. Easy going and flexible, you tend to befriend other bloggers easily. But if they disagree with once too much, you’ll pull them from your blogroll!

warum habe ich dieses gefühl?
gehen sie nicht.

i used to sit under this big tree, waiting for the sun to set. i loved watching sunsets. it reminded me that another day is over. the various array of colors parrading before my eyes gave me a sense of peace. maybe i was sad then, they say that one likes to watch the sunset when one is so sad.

tonight i will sit under this tree and watch you leave. i don’t like to see you go away, but that’s how our story always unfolds.. we just take turns in the endless cycle of leaving and being left behind. i always knew you were meant to fly so i won’t weep this time. you never did clip my wings when i once tried to reach for the sky. but as you pack your bags one last time, i only have one wish, please take the colors of sunset with you. i don’t want to be sad anymore.

auf wiedersehen.