been sick for a couple of days now but this song is pulling me back to wellness.

Back To You
MercyMe

Nobody said it would be easy
Nobody said that life’s a breeze
Tossin’ and turnin’, oh the wind keeps churnin’
Like I’m a little toy boat out on the sea

If I’m down don’t count me out
I’ll slowly get back on my feet
Stumblin’ and fumblin’, but I keep on coming
Just as long as you’re not giving up on me

When I trip, I fall and slow down to a crawl
And feel like I’ve got nothing left to lose
I may slip, slide, and watch our worlds collide
But I will
Hit the ground running back to you

There are days my head is spinning
Wishing I could hit the switch and end this ride
If it came to a stop and someone let me off I know
I would just get right back in line

When I trip, I fall and slow down to a crawl
And feel like I’ve got nothing left to lose
I may slip, slide, and watch our worlds collide
But I will
Hit the ground running back to you

What kind of love would say
I love you anyway
Oh, time and time again

When I trip, I fall and slow down to a crawl
And feel like I’ve got nothing left to lose
I may slip, slide, and watch our worlds collide
But I will
Hit the ground running back to you
I will
Hit the ground running back to you

I may slip, slide and watch our worlds collide
But I will, yes I will
Hit the ground running back to you
I hit the ground running back to you

I hit the ground, crashing down, rolling round
But I rebound, I get back up and I’ll be found
Running, running back to you

I’m running back to you
Back to you
Back to you
Back to you
Running back to you

“Watching Over Me”
FFH

Where could I run, where could I hide
Where could I go where You are not
Where could I be where You don’t see
All of these demons chasing me
What kind of sin could I find myself in
Where You wouldn’t stop
The world from spinning ’round and ’round
When it seems like I am upside down
But in Your comfort I have found
A safe place to fall

And I’ll be alright
Safe inside
Stayin’ alive
As long as You are watching over me

Where could I go where I don’t know
All of the comfort You bestow
Where could I fall, where could I land
Where I’m not resting in Your hand
How could I stray too far away
Where You won’t leave the ninety-nine
To come and bring me back
And put me on Your shoulders and
Carry me around Your neck
Until it’s safe to walk

And I’ll be alright
Safe inside
Stayin’ alive
As long as You are watching over me

And I will be fine
‘Cause You are by my side
And I’ll be okay
‘Cause You’re with me every day
This one thing is sure
I could never, ever ask for more

And I”ll be alright
Safe inside
Stayin’ alive 

That the sky would lift
That I’d find my place
That I’d see your face in the door

i press my face against the tinted glass and watch as the rain drenches the long dark street that is kingsway. in exactly 13 minutes, the flourescent bulbs will blink once, twice and finally sleep, i will then count 43 strides from my sanctuary to that corner beside the door that leads to a seemingly endless flight of stairs, and with a power that only i possess at this forsaken hour, i will flick the eternal switch that separates light from darkness.

And the sun would glint
On a time well spent
On a time that ain’t no more

in between sleeplessness and dreaming i glance at the painted orange and pink colored skies on dry canvas that my friend made with a hand that never tires and a mind that never runs out of ways to mix ink into masterpieces. the portraits remind me of ephemeral childhood days when time didn’t exist to mark failures we’ve committed nor milestone we have yet to accomplish, back then plans were nothing but castles that giant waves crush into scattered lumps of sand.

Takes the broken hearts
In the vacant lots
To see the fruit that rots on the trees

as my eyes dim and surrender to the grey cloudy skies that hide the stars, my brain gives in to translucent dreams chasing after each other. i freefall straight into the chasm, there is no pause, not even for a gasp of air, but just when my heart is about to explode.. the heavens open.. and i am blinded by the light.. i hear wings beating against the wind, flying towards a sun that burns me..

Had to turn my head
Leave it all for dead
But it’s in my mind always

i wake up, the screen flickers, i’m still here..

song excerpt: “Lately” by David Gray, from the album “Life in Slow Motion”

2009.03.24.02.31.a.m.n.d.g

Just when I stopped listening to Jack Johnson (because I heard/saw somebody strum Banana Pancakes on the guitar and that ruined it all for me..), Apple then decides to play his tunes on the recently concluded Fall Event that introduced several new iSoftware and iGadgets,

“Better Together” by JJ opened the show and the closing act was “Yellow” performed by Chris Martin – these songs are haunting me with memories I want to forget,

..and this is why I stopped listening to secular music.

Yellow
by Coldplay


Look at the stars,
Look how they shine for you,
And everything you do,
Yeah they were all yellow,

Its true look how they shine for you 

While the rest of the world are following the live stream of Steve’s iPad announcement, I am packing the last of my things on my pad. Tonight I’ll be returning my modem and later on I’ll give back my keys. It was fun while it lasted, at least I got to go from basement to penthouse in three years, that’s a great milestone for someone who never stays in place.

In a few more days, I’ll be back on the road like the littlest hobo. It’s a funny feeling, I should be happy to go *home*, but this is home for me now.. and I’ve never felt this way before about any other place in the world. I will always strive to come back here.

Maybe Tomorrow
Terry Bush

Maybe tomorrow, I’ll find what I call home,
Until tomorrow, you know I’m free to roam

Reflecting on: Isaiah 40:30-31

Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Listening to: “This is Home” by Switchfoot

Watching: live stream of Apple event

Local News:
– Brampton family man needs liver transplant in four months
– help for Haiti continues
– Winter olympics in two weeks, local mountains might need snow air-lifted

Wishing we could choose our own landscape
Wishing me and you could just go anywhere we wanted
Once in a blue moon we’d stay out late
And watch the sun come up at five-thirty in the morning

It’s a blue moon on New Year’s eve, so I guess those people who once said they’d do something on a blue moon would have no excuse to run off this time ^^. There used to be a time in my life when I was just so awed by the moon, I was probably six then and just finished watching the lunar landing, inspiring me to be an astronaut or some rocket scientist. The dream went on till university and not really until I finally found myself at the NASA headquarters in Houston did I realize that I’m probably not gonna be fit enough to be an astronaut. So that probably means I won’t be stacking any flags next to the USA’s out there in that pot-holed surface.

When Geocities closed back in October this year, I lost a lot of literary works that I failed to backup. I was having some real world issues that I forgot my nine years of words were out there somewhere being deleted and falling into a virtual black hole. There were lots of poems and essays about the moon there. Beyond Forever was divided into Crossroads, Sunset, Moonlight, Nightscapes, Dreams, Chronicles and Footprints, I managed to salvage a few pages but the rest are now lost in dark recesses of my shadowy mind.

I ain’t seen you, in a month of Sundays
I never knew exactly what it was I wanted
Once in a blue moon, you’d keep a promise
When it’s you I don’t mind such a long wait

I haven’t written a poem in a long time. Maybe it’s just the lack of inspiration, (where does one get them anyway?) or the lack of time (I certainly have lots now), or the lack of motivation. I don’t know, I miss the Endless. I miss Bones From The Graveyard, I miss the NSP Poetry List, I miss a lot of irrecoverable things.

Someday I’ll find rhymes again, someday words will just fall into place and my pen will touch paper and make long winding loops and dots that will somehow make sense to someone somewhere someday. For now there is the blue moon and there is the New Year to welcome. I’m praying for things to fall into place. I’m praying for my country, which is currently beset by typhoons, fires, boat sinkings and volcanic eruption – I’m coming home to you in a few weeks, hang in there.

Day will surely come,
one day I’ll be with you
The day will surely come,
we will make it all come true

Soundtrack: “Once in a Blue Moon” by Lighthouse Family

Last Sunday of the year, and then four more Sundays to go before I leave on a jet plane, don’t know when I’ll be back again. Yeah I hate to go.. and yes I just mutilated a song.

This afternoon I stood before the altar and waited to get prayers, I’m lost and I need direction. This past few months has been a battle between what I want to do and where I want to be versus what I should be doing and where I should be staying. As I sat on one of the pews, I felt really sad, like a part of me has died, it almost felt like this is the end of the road for me and I will never come back here. I feel I have lost everything I strove for and I couldn’t help but just stare in space and blink back tears.

I felt this year has been all about me moving at blinding speed on a collision course heading straight towards God. And now I’m a wreck, but I can’t go back to how it was, I can’t go back to how I was. I don’t know why but just when I’m starting to get comfortable in a place or with people, I’m suddenly propelled away to the other direction. I just wanted to sink into the soil and grow roots, I just wanted a place to call home, but I guess my sixth grade poem was right, this world is not my home. And wherever God leads me, that’s where I’ll be, and that’s where I’ll thrive..

I’m just tired of all the packing, moving, goodbye-ing, I’m stuck between the longing and the letting go..

Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it snow! =)

Anyway, enough of the melodrama already, we must enter the new year with big smiles, big hopes, big dreams and lots of prayers. So now I’m gonna turn off the sprinklers and turn up the fun stuff. On other news, I just bought a song from iTunes, I’m trying to build my Holiday playlist, and so far here’s what I have:

1. You’re Here by Francesca Battistelli
2. Breath of Heaven by Amy Grant
3. Born in Bethlehem by Third Day
4. I Need A Silent Night by Amy Grant
5. Wonderful Christmastime by Jars of Clay
6. Love Has Come by Amy Grant
7. Emmanuel by Amy Grant

On still other news, I’m also doing some writing for $$$, reminds me of that song from Barbie’s Cradle: “Money For Food“. Here’s my revised lyrics:

“And maybe writing is a luxury
And when you can’t afford it someday
It’s possible you’ll starve
If you will write all you like…
’cause people still need money for food.

So if you happen to see me on the street
Would you please give me coins and a drink
Cause people still need people
Who have money to give
Money for food”

i still think the best part of watching tv is the commercial, and the best thing about the commercial is the song, what can i say, i’m a soundtrack junkie =) here are some of the new tracks i’ve added to my ipod that are inspired by tv ads, they go under my adtunes playlist

7. on the bus by hello gumption (nestle drumstick)
8. wash away by joe purdy (dawn)
9. all you need is love by grayson matthews (blackberry)
10. fly me away by annie little (amazon kindle)

Your Love Never Fails
by Jesus Culture

Nothing can separate
Even if I ran away
Your love never fails

I know I still make mistakes
But You have new mercies for me everyday
Your love never fails

You stay the same through the ages
Your love never changes
There maybe pain in the night but joy comes in the morning

And when the oceans rage
I don’t have to be afraid
Because I know that You love me
Your love never fails

The wind is strong and the water’s deep
But I’m not alone in these open seas
Cause Your love never fails

The chasm is far too wide
I never thought I’d reach the other side
But Your love never fails

You make all things work together for my good

i’ve always had problems with letting go. it takes a while for me to turn the switch off and move on. when i know something is about to end, i tend to condition my mind, far in advance, a defense mechanism – i say my goodbyes early – that way when the time comes, i am almost ready to step outside the box, unscathed. but really, how does one escape a meteor crashing straight towards you? i don’t know, i lack the wisdom to know such things. and so i do what i do best, i run away.

in a few hours from now i will be like that song – leaving on a jet plane, don’t know when i’ll be back again. funny, there are no words to describe great emotions, i can only quote cheesy lyrics that don’t quite fit. sometimes you have to go away and step back in order to miss something or appreciate something more. i fear change, i fear moving out of my comfort zone, i fear my security blanket is being yanked away from me. and i don’t know how to live with that. if only the world will stop spinning for a while and let me stay in this moment longer…

Stop The World
Matthew West

The TV is talking
The telephone’s ringing
The lights are all on
And the radio’s screaming
A million distractions are stealing my heart from You
I’m tired and empty
This life is relentless
It weakens my knees
And breaks my defenses
It’s wearing me down and I’m desperate to hear from You

Stop the world I wanna get out
I need an escape away from this crowd
Just to hear You speak to me

I need to be still before I make a move
I need to be humble with nothing to prove
I need Your Word to show me the truth
And I need time, precious time

Stop the world I wanna get out
I need an escape away from this crowd
Just to hear You speak to me
Stop the world I’m ready to listen
Show me sign, give me a vision of heaven
I can hold on to
Stop the world I need some time with You

Before I can find my voice
I need to hear Your voice
Above all the senseless noise