someday you’ll run out of things to say
and you’ll sit by my side
and watch me watch the sunset in silence
someday you’ll finally find time to listen
without the need to pass judgements
and debate about world views and highest truths
and other things that matter only to people
who have so much time to think
someday i will pass by your world
and color your sky with bright red
but you will never notice
you will be blind and deaf and unfeeling
you will be lost in books and words and meanings
someday the wind will hold your feet
but you will keep on walking
because you’ve spent too many years
sitting, reading, listening
someday you will feel the rain
brush against your cheek like a tired friend
and you will walk each other home
and once again you shall find yourself
Alone.

04.11.2004.10.51.p.m.

i left while you were sleeping
i couldnt bear to see you sad
i kissed your cheek, one last time
and wiped the mist from my eyes

i bid you goodbye so silently
so as not to wake you up
and as the moonbeams lighted my path
i closed the door and never turned back

i walked gently between the drops of rain
the curtains never saw me weep
there was no last look, last touch, last word..
this is how, my dear, i leave.

03.30.2004.12.12.p.m.

another drunken soul splitting moment
in the heart of heartless libis and makati
fascinated by the lights of rockwell
and the architecture of eastwood city
we sit and wait for the evening’s plan
to materialize like some epiphany.

eleventeen shots pouring at 3am
BLISS was quiet except for six souls
trying to stop the dawn from coming

tequila, sprite and gin pom flooded
as st. madz endlessly repeated:
“there’s the cr and that’s the sink”
amidst zet’s complaints and hollow smoke rings
john and darrix alternated with the electric guitar
arjay counted snores in the background
while i stayed and refilled the glasses

its moments like these that take the gray
out of mindless meanings or create more fogs
on what’s already obscure. i sat and listened
detached from the blind who wanted to see,
and the undeaf who refused to hear..

riding a cab back to the hotel at 6am
calling in sick, and just lying in bed,
staring at the ceiling, with my head pounding..
everything was moving, and everything was still…

last night, i was a spectator,
a faceless being in the crowd
who mostly listened, and never talked much

how lucky i am,
that i was never more than that

03.08.2004.06.55.p.m.

i used to sit and wait for the night
to fill the sky with stars
as i ask the lingering shadows
where the world has gone

i used to wonder if i could count
the thousand shades of sunset
and store them one by one in a bottle
that i could open on cold dark midnights

i used to think about other people
who stare silently at the moon
weaving dreams of forever
and tales of love lost and found again
or myths of love lost and gone for always

i used to believe in things i cannot touch
in things i could only feel
through words stuck inside my chest
i used to believe..

.
.
.

last night i stood and watched
as makati’s towers light up
against the dying sun

last night
pieces of my old self died.

03.03.2004.12.38.p.m.

sometimes you have to
jump over the bridge
without strings
to bind your feet
if only to know
how falling feels like
after standing too long
and how water tastes like
after experiencing a drought

sometimes you have to
leave your comfort zone
and take big risks
with no sure wins
just so you’d remember
how to rise up again
after every great fall
or how to appreciate what’s left
after a very big loss.

sometimes you have to
get up, move on
grab you pack
and wander off
into worlds unknown
or get lost
in anonymity
if only to find
your home,
your life,
your self,
once more

sometimes you just have to..

let go.

02.09.2004.06.42.2004

i have no words to ease my hapless fate
nor shadowed corners to hide myself in
the songs of hope they sang were sang too late
while rhymes they wrote were all so broken in

had cupid landed on someone else’s heart
then mine own eyes would have escaped despair
but luck decided for love to depart
and leave my broken self beyond repair

i know someday there’ll be more dreams to make
more stars, more skies, more places to behold
till then i know this grief i have to take
perhaps to make my heart more strong, more cold

till then, i pray, your name will never bring
as much sadness as one forgotten thing

01.12.2004.03.59.p.m.

i saw you last night, your eyes were filled with stars
bright stars i could not see
lonely stars that have lost their meaning for me

i walked towards you but away from you
watching my madness fall
in between the places we dare not go

i love you still..
but with a heart that does not skip a beat when i hear your name
i love you still…
but with a love that has no more substance, no point, no purpose.

last night, you looked back at me
with a faint smile
nodding a greeting in the distilled silence

we blinked, at the exact same time,
and for a moment,

we are,
you and i

but you walked away under the hazy moonlight

and yes,
even in dreams,

you leave me.

01.05.2004.5.05.p.m.