And today I chose to hide under these sheets
Because I found no need to show my face
To a world that left the rest of me meaningless
Without purpose, without calm, without conscience

I have always thought the music could wake me
Stir up my soul into submission or rebellion
Whichever is more apt at the precise moment;
But it never did, nothing ever affects me anymore

The way you do, with your nonchalant smile
So I take this knife gallantly and with much courage
The way a valiant but foolish murderer would
And slit it deep into my memories of you.

Not once, not twice, but a thousand times more
Until I can’t breathe and I cant see from all the red
You never die, do you? Not even in my dreams
Where you choose to stab me over and over and over

It only stops when I hide under these sheets once more
Leaving the music and the wakefulness outside
Waiting for the gray and the red to mix and turn to black
But they never would, no they never could

No one can mix colors the way you do

12.06.2004.2.55.p.m.

you always sit on the sand
to watch the endless dying sky
repaint the orange into purple
while humming a song for a falling star

i used to sing that song too
under broken beams of moonlight
inviting the wind to blow my way
wishing for a glimpse of that falling star

but that star never came down
and that song never played again
they left me sad, wishing for daylight
finding meanings for things that never last

if tomorrow still finds you
singing this sad love song for one
teach your tattered wings to fly again
dont wait for a star that will never come

12.01.2004.3.05.p.m.

this puddle of rain at my feet never dries
as my poetry waits for the day to get louder
while the cold sheet feels my wrinkled lies
i carry these brown patches inside my head

as my poetry waits for the day to get louder
these glowing stars choose to take your side
i carry these brown patches inside my head
letting the broken frame of skies turn pink

these glowing stars choose to take your side
when you painted your room with blinding twilight
letting the broken frame of skies turn pink
like the fast and tragic movement of the clocks

when you painted your room with blinding twilight
i drove away with the sleepy morning sparrow
like the fast and tragic movement of the clocks
where dreams lie in dusty guitar case latches

i drove away with the sleepy morning sparrow
looking for youth walking up and down old streets
where dreams lie in dusty guitar case latches
and empty shapes of crowded lives we’ve lived

looking for youth walking up and down old streets
i found scattered faithless angels instead
and empty shapes of crowded lives we’ve lived
locked in a jar of love and other gray things

i found scattered faithless angels instead,
while the cold sheet feels my wrinkled lies
locked in a jar of love and other gray things
this puddle of rain at my feet never dries

11.04.2004.4.28.p.m.

we used to play this waltz
but only in the shadows
where you can hide me away
from the the dusk and the ghost
that only comes before sunrise

in that dance of sad songs
we held hands on borrowed time
but never too tightly
lest i forget that you’re not mine
but someone else’s lost rhyme

i have been wishing for stars
to carve our shapes into the soil
but the earth always sinks away
as the sunset steps on our hearts
still lost in uncharted skies

tonight i stumbled once more
into the soft colors of sadness
because i need to fold my arms
and let you go, one last time
while the moon eclipses our paper hats

11.02.2004.02.16.p.m.

in the darkness
my dreams are liquid fire
setting to flames all that dare cross my path

in the darkness
my loneliness and i are one
letting the tears fall freely from my eyes

in the darkness
i remain
eternally waiting

for sunrise.

10.19.2004.2.07.p.m.

fade into my skin like a lullaby
break a piece of my loneliness and take my hand
you sing like one too tired to ache
you ache like one too tired to mind

and i said simmer
to the drone of my guitar
tonight the stars and all the planets will just watch by
come along, melt me with your promises

we both know we’ll regret this all tomorrow
but i dont mind coz it’s easier to forget
when i know there’s no tomorrow waiting
for us

but tonight ill sing some songs
fumbling upon each button
watching you watching me
too tired to mind, too lost to care

yes, let me play one more tune
you and i and a couple of shots
the sky won’t mind if we stayed too long
melting in each others arms

10.11.2001.09.31.p.m.

it was by chance when we met on this road
it was pure luck that has brought us here
and now as the sun rests its final glow
we find ourselves dreaming

the moonbeams have a way of deceiving
with the light that it casts upon our heads
it makes us think we could go on believing
though we know we both must leave

you speak of the one whom your soul has loved
while i listen to your every word
i look at the stars that shine above us
and note how they seem to smile

shadows lengthen as the night becomes deep
once again it’s time to bid farewell
echoes of your voice stay still in the air
piercing the dark night in vain

i choose not to hear the words you’ve just said
for my heart could not bear to forget
how could you stand and leave without thinking
when i’m here in deep regret

tomorrow you’ll take the path you’ve chosen
as i decide if i should go too
i know i’m a fool if i choose to leave
but what’s the use if i stay

the light has gone out, i too must go now
so take my hand and lead me back home
and if fate is not that unkind
i may be gone tomorrow..

if you choose to come to this same spot
and find me no longer sitting here,
just look as the sun rests its final glow
and think of me as you dream….

march, 1998

You Alone
by Rolando Carbonell

You alone, beloved,
can teach me to measure the memory of a song…
No one knows to what ecstasy my heart will soar.
The gentleness in your smile is enough
to touch the tenderness in my heart.
In the secret page of my life is written a story…
never to be forgotten.
For all the silent records this vessel holds
contain the memory of you.

Come, then, beloved, and sing with the songs so sweet.
Burn my soul with the magic jewel of your song
that i may awaken from the darkness of this world
to view the blossoming of the stars.

And is there any power greater than love?
Speak then, beloved, speak.
Give to me the essence of your love,
and the slumbering poems in this dark universe
will blazon anew, swelling like waves
upon the bosom of a hungry shore.

Because you and I shall sing,
heaven itself will quiver with a burst of song.
And the morning shall greet us with a glow
to open the flowering of a new tune.

No one else but you can still the throbbing,
sobbing, murmuring voice within.
No one.

For you alone can reach the silent stretches of my soul.
You alone…

Without you, beloved, what joy will there be in a song? Without the embraces of your love –
what use is the beauty of the morn?
Without the promise of your kiss,
what delight is there in the fragrance of a rose?

Without you, my love,
memory itself will lose the beauty of its touch…
Come then, my dear, like a flower, like a song,
like a dream…

And I shall write the forgotten poems of many days
you secretly left in my soul.
In every line I shall scribble the many thoughts
this soaring mind holds.

And the music in my heart shall spread its wings
to envelop the memory of your youth scattered by the winds.

You alone can make a miracle out of a song…
You alone can transform this poem into a prayer…
You alone can make me feel the breath of life again.

Beyond Forgetting
by Rolando A. Carbonell

For a moment I thought I could forget you.
For a moment I thought I could still the restlessness in my heart. I thought the past could no longer haunt me – nor hurt me. How wrong I was!

For the past, no matter how distant, is as much a part of me as life itself. And you are part of that life. You are so much a part of me – of my dreams, my early hopes, my youth and my ambitions – that in all my tasks I can’t help remembering you. Many little delights and things remind me of you.

Yes, I came. And would my pride mock my real feelings? Would the love song, the sweet and lovely smile on your face, be lost among the deepening shadows?

I have wanted to be alone.
I thought I could make myself forget you in silence and in song…And yet I remembered. For who could forget the memory of the once lovely, the once happy world such as ours?

I came because the song that I kept through the years is waiting to be sung. I cannot sing it without you. The song when sung alone will lose the essence of its tune, because you and I had been one.

I have wanted this misery to end, because it is part of my restlessness. Can’t you understand? Can’t you divine the depth and the tenderness of my feelings towards you? Yes, can’t you see how I suffer in this even darkness without you?

You went away because you mistook my silence for indifference. But silence, my dear, is the language of my heart. How could I essay the intensity of my love when silence speaks a more eloquent tone? But, perhaps, you didn’t understand…

Remember, I came because the gnawing loneliness is there and will not be lost until the music is sung, until the poem is heard, until the silence is understood….until you come to me again.

For you alone can blend the music and memory into one consuming ecstasy. You alone…

a refuge for the misguided and weary

beneath the mist that sleeps on the windows
i ask you to hide me away
pack my sadness in a suitcase
under a bed of empty dreams and empty bottles

i ask you to hide me away
in a place with neither light nor darkness
under a bed of empty dreams and empty bottles
where sanity stays still in mid air

in a place with neither light nor darkness
hang my scars and stars on the ceiling
where sanity stays still in mid air
like raindrops refusing to fall

hang my scars and stars on the ceiling
beside the trophies of my aimless wandering
like raindrops refusing to fall
i know this fog will never clear

beside the trophies of my aimless wandering
pack my sadness in a suitcase
i know this fog will never clear
beneath the mist that sleeps on the windows

08.20.2004.2.44.p.m.