i could grow roots too
hang my wings up to dry
and perch my nest on your ground
i could grow roots too
and count the silent petals that fall from
my branches to kiss the soil of your yard
i could grow roots too
say goodbye to the voices of the wind and
the waves beckoning just to follow you
i could grow roots too, you know
i could grow roots with you
i could grow old with you
17.June.2003.12.53.a.m
my friends are moving on with their lives,two of them have resigned from this company and found other jobs that fit them better, last thursday was a rather sad day for me, i couldn’t help but feel down amidst all the farewells, i wanted to throw caution to the wind, buy the first ticket to somewhere and wander off into anonymity, but the comfort zones kept nagging me and urging me to stay and watch the charade go by, i was silent for the rest of the duration of my ride home and only after i closed the door to my room did i let the tears flow freely.
friday was a rainy day, i love the rain, i love looking up to the sky and letting the tiny drops of rain touch my face, its like the sky opened its arms and gave me a glimpse of heaven.
yesterday, i sat outside the house and watched as rain collected on the rain gutters while drinking mule and contemplating on the complexities of being a caterpillar perched on a leaf while trapped in a thunderstorm. i also twisted all meaning from the phrase “it’s better to be alone for the right reasons than to be with someone for the wrong ones” until i’ve drained all desire from it and i was back to being alone on a rainy sunday afternoon.
everything spins around in circles.
i once asked someone if our friendship, which was generally characterized by leaving and being left behind, would actually survive outside airports. this is the story of my life – staying for a while, moving away again, coming back, moving on, and letting go, letting go…
this sunset picture was taken while on our way home from our 48 day business trip to kanagawa-ken. i’ve always been fascinated with sunsets, it reminds me that another day is over and it gives me hope that my little tragedies would soon be over too.
today i’m back in the world of bug reports and bastardized english, trying to make sense and finding the hidden meaning in it all. incidentally, today is also the day we get measured up against formulaic standards of excellence also known as the merit rating, as for me, with the tons of bugs i create, i guess i should be given a demerit rating instead =p
*sigh* i’m spilling me all over the place again…
i’m back!!! but i don’t feel like spilling out my one week’s worth of adventures and misadventures just yet =) maybe next time when the feeling has somehow washed itself out. today i feel euphoric, counting the minutes till 5pm and “jumping off a crane 12 stories high” are the only two things that give me this sensation these days,. =)
last night i had my prepaid sim upgraded to “high memory”. this ad at the mall promised my new sim an enhanced phone book and a bigger inbox for only 100 pesos. so i lined up like 10 other suckers, err i mean customers, and filled up the application form. after shelling out my hundred bucks and grabbing my new sim, my friends and i grabbed dinner at the entertainment center. when i finally reached home, i inserted the new sim on my phone only to be greeted with a SIM ERROR message, poof! there goes me and not reading banners carefully. apparently, the sim will work after 5 days of activation =/
oh well, that’s the high point of life here so far since i arrived yesterday. my one week vacation seems like a whole other life lived from another galaxy. it’s 5:18, time to escape my cellblock =p
i’m back! but only for a while today, i’m leaving again soon. i’ll get my plane ticket tonight and i’ll leave on saturday, i won’t be back till june i guess,
i need to breathe the sea air and collect the shiny stones on the river. cajidiocan is the best place for that. no electricity, no telephones, no cellphone signals, pure nature at its best, just the sun, the moon, the air, the sea, the river, the mountains, the trees… i can’t wait =)
in the meantime, we’re going to have some sort of reunion with my college batchmates tonight, smirnoff ice and don henricos pizza at tops would be nice but it looks like it’s going to rain, so i guess we’ll just have to find a new place… hmmm, what’s new in cebu anyways?
“I’m on a high I’m on a high
and there’s nothing more to it
I have the sun, it’s a star
why should I refuse it
and there are so many reasons
I could give you why I should be down
there’s not enough money or time
and my love you’re not around
around, around
but it’s a lie it’s a lie –
don’t you believe it.
if you’re fine then you’re fine –
it’s all how you see it.
oh, there never will be
no conspiracy of happiness.”
– duncan sheik (on a high) –
It’s been almost 72 hours since i last laid down on my bed to get some sleep. “it’s terrible to work so hard and feel so little about myself” — these words kept ringing in my ears as i battled yet another pile of machine language.
Tomorrow we’re leaving for Cebu, i don’t know yet how i feel about that right now. I’m in a state of suspended insanity, and to let a flood of emotions go by would be as strange as looking at the world through a broken glass jar.
I haven’t packed my things yet, I haven’t even prepared so many little nonsense that I’m sure I’m going to overlook or forget something somehow, i hope not though…
I feel so tired. I want to close my eyes and never wake up again.
yey!!! i made this new guestmap from bravenet and it’s really cute =) don’t forget to visit it and leave a message =)
hmmm, so well, aside from letting the webmaster wannabe in me take over for a while, today has been quite uneventful. i was late AGAIN for work this morning, and i still havent packed my bags nor mailed that postcard i promised to give to someone. i also havent shopped for things i should give to the people ive left behind.. if procrastination takes over again, i might end up buying nothing at all, which is quite thoughtless of me, i know =,( it’s just that by the time we leave work, im too drained to think of anything else (other than sleep) much less rummage the nearest shop and buy things i should bring..
i hope by saturday i will be completely recharged..
so, it was 12:56 a.m. JPT, i just finished my fourth cup of coffee – a cup of coffee for me consists of 1 tablespoon of coffee and 5 tablespoons of hot water – and the top 20 uk countdown was wrapping up when i suddenly felt my bed shake, i blinked once, twice, and thought it was just too much caffeine =) hehehe but then it came back again after a minute, so i switched the tv channels till i saw a flash update, it was another earthquake — the second time in 10 days, good thing there was no big damage.
i did my laundry yesterday afternoon, and surprise! i got my anklet back after the spinner stopped, good thing the beads were still intact, poor thing.
the group went to tachikawa for a barbecue party and left the hotel at around 9 a.m., i was still in never land at that time so i was left behind, which was quite fine actually.. i needed to catch up and pay for my sleep debt.
i haven’t packed yet! but it’s ok, six days is still a long long time — or so i think =) i’ll probably have another episode of cram packing as usual..
it was raining when i stepped out of the hotel this morning, i knew it was raining when i opened the window of my second floor room, but the lazy me prevailed, i conveniently forgot to bring the umbrella. it was a nice experience nonetheless, in a daredevil-sort-of-way,
things are better when one doesn’t think too much
you just know it’s not your day when:
1. you lost your favorite anklet, the one you were wearing for three years now.
2. someone important to you, on another part of the world, lost her job.
3. you have 91 yen on your pocket and you still have 9 days to go in the land of the rising sun… not to mention the pending bills you have to pay during hotel check out time.
4. you set the alarm for seven so as not to be late for your eight thirty punch in time, but you wake up past ten.. how many late do you have this month anyway? 5. diaryland is not loading the images on your page, but the same page shows the images when hosted by geocities. and you’ve been working on this bug for an hour now..
6. no email.
7. no text.
yes, i know, it’s not my day..
“I am a new day rising
I’m a brand new sky
to hang the stars upon tonight
I am a little divided
do I stay or run away
and leave it all behind?”
– foo fighters (times like these) –
10 days to go, =) life is getting better when i’m approaching another transition in my life. i like beginnings, and sometimes endings too.. i hate the in-between.. i don’t know when i realized this.. or maybe this is just a passing fancy for now., i just noticed that when i’m starting to grow roots and settle into a place or a situation or a person, i begin to have doubts and fear of attachment.. funny really, coz i used to have fear of abandonment, oh well, i probably had too much coffee, i’m babbling again.. and i don’t even drink coffee =)
last tuesday, i watched the movie adaptation of stephen king’s IT at around 2 am., it ruined any chances of me getting sleep =) now two days later, my body clock still hasn’t adjusted.. good thing there are early morning movies to keep me company =) hopefully not as gruesome as IT. this reminds me of my sesame street entry from way back =)…
im really a night person, i should get a night job =)