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if

on an autumn day
I get lost between the fallen leaves
longing
longing for the morning
before I retrace my steps
down that path 
where you showed me secrets
of flowers that never fade
of three suns that never set
and
the beating hearts
that never stop
nor bleed, nor break
but I hope I will find you
still waiting
because I 
may have lost myself in you
and you knew it all along
yes you knew
but you
just held me
then led me
and I found myself in you
2013.11.03.10.53.am.pst

hello words

hello, it’s you again,
knocking on my door like an old friend,
I see you’re still stringing words
trying to beat me in that fleeting rhyme game

hi there, it’s me once more
playing hide and seek with the rain
I hold your hand as if we never parted
rewriting lines I’ve long since forgotten

adieu, it’s time to leave
before the rains flood the door of my memory,
the words may rhyme and find new meanings
as your hands trace my lines ’til the morning

but for now,
the sky is dark,
and the night is long,
so let’s go back to dreaming

2013.10.23.2.24.pm.pst

sfo

With a pack on my back and a bag to lug around,
I walk in between the drops of Vancouver rain
Escaping a city that’s passing me by
Like a seasoned wanderer that leaves without care

Will tomorrow find me with quarters and loonies?
Or another couch to surf and fall asleep on?
Will the answers lead me to yet more questions?
Or will I finally leave this life without a home?

I trace the lines on my face and wonder
If my dreams lie across the bridge made of gold
There’s no way to know unless I start walking,
So perhaps I should dream no more.

With a pack on my back and a bag to lug around,
I fly towards the skies of San Francisco

2013.09.27.05.50.pm.pst

bus 19

in the buses here, the gazes never meet
like time-bound travellers rushing from one destination to the next,
there is no time to say “hi, how do you do?” or “what a lovely morning, it looks like it won’t rain”
just a quick “thank you, driver” before we get off and leave again

as people are trapped in their own devices, with music that matches the soundtrack of their lives
the ride goes on from suburb to slums to downtown to park,
and shuttles us from house to work to leisure then back to places we call home for now,

I find myself back here again,
in the middle of everything and nothing all at once
Everything goes in circle
Even bus 19

2013.08.08.2013.5.03.p.m.pst.

my friend

I wrote this piece back in the first semester of 1999 while sitting in at a class of Abstract Algebra, this was in response to the poem in Kahlil Gibran’s “The Madman”, which I was reading while the professor was discussing ring homomorphisms – talk about multitasking!

I finished writing it in less than an hour, faster than I could prove isomorphic functions. If I had pursued creative writing, I’m sure I would have been pondering on the origins of natural numbers while the professor rambles on about metaphors.

I guess it just shows that we are more than the things we study, more than degrees and titles we add to our names, more than labels and boxes we try hard to fit ourselves into.

We are infinite possibilities waiting to happen, and we can do more as long as we put our heart and mind into it.

my friend, I dream too much of the past,
too much that I’ve lost myself in it,
unable to wake and live once more.

the “I” in me my friend
would like to leave the house of silence,
for it has been there for too long,
I would not like to be chained forever

when you called me and I did not answer,
my mind was flying over the hills and high mountains,
I was finding myself
I was hoping you’d find me

my friend, you do not understand my wandering thoughts,
but I’d like you to understand,
I cannot fly alone

when I look at the sunset,
you impatiently wait for the break of dawn,
yet even then we bask under the radiance of the same moon,
how I would like you to see my sunset,
as I would love to welcome your dawn

when you swim for the shore, my friend,
I let the waves crush me to the rocks,
for death is the only way I know I could be free.
I wish I knew how to swim
I wish you could teach me

you say I love truth and beauty and righteousness,
yet you do not see how I burn,
how I wish you would see,
but you do not want to,
so I let you believe

my friend, I am not good and wise, no I am not perfect
I would like to shout and be mad for once,
but my walls are too high,
no one will hear me

my friend, you tell me I am not your friend,
help me to understand,
can we not walk together?
I’ll let you lead the way,
let me take your hand

black

i step one side
life esteemed
outside ourselves
we lead our feelings,
rough, rough is the darkness
that i feel
when we feel not ourselves,
come I’ll show you heaven,
heaven where angels sing
and people die
where lovers say goodbye
where pain is essential to life
where leaders have to lie,
welcome dear one to forever
welcome to good night
forgotten, forgotten
gone…

04/19/2003

two nights ago i was talking to my friend about some ghosts from the past that used to haunt me, and so i took out some dusty chests of memories at the farthest corner of my mind and tried to break the latch. it creeked eerily and finally opened, then i found this piece about forgiveness..

“You forgive me for liking you too much,
And I’ll forgive you for not liking me enough.

You forgive me for missing you so,
And I’ll forgive you for being so cold.

You forgive me for the loud racing of my heart,
And I’ll forgive you for not hearing it.

You forgive me for playing your games,
And I’ll forgive you for toying with my emotions.

You forgive me for finding you so attractive,
And I’ll forgive you for not noticing.

You forgive me for raising you up so high,
And I’ll forgive you for bringing me down so low.

You forgive me for wanting to be with you,
And I’ll forgive you for avoiding me.

You forgive me for being so pathetic,
And I’ll forgive you for taking advantage of it.

You forgive me for not being able to let go,
And I’ll forgive you for never having latched on.

You forgive me for having hopes and dreams,
And I’ll forgive you for crushing them.

Forgiveness brings inner peace.
Do we have a deal?’

i’ve come a long way from that poem, i used to be the one saying those lines, now the tables have turned.. such is the circle of life.