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the end.. or the beginning..

​i don’t claim to know the secrets to the universe, i don’t have the answers to life’s questions, i’m just a common person, fallible, damaged, and figuring things out as i go along.. but in between getting lost in this path i took and looking for the light in the next fork on the road, i found you, and you found me, we found each other and a whole new journey became possible, i don’t want to lose you because of who i am right now, i want to keep you for always, but at the same time, i don’t want to destroy you nor hurt you.. so i’m going to stay this time, i won’t take any time off, nor run away to find myself, i want to find myself with you holding my hand.. because i already found myself in you, and if i let you go, if i lose you, then you will take with you a part of me that i can never get back from anybody else.. i think we’re worth a fight.. i want to fight for us.. i don’t want to be the reason that we fail, how can we let something die when it hasn’t even started yet?

so take my hand and walk with me, today, and every day.. for the rest of our lives..

we’ll find the things they say just can’t be found..
i don’t want this feeling to go away..

2017.01.23.4.17.p.m.p.s.t.

fall slowly

“they say don’t fall too fast, but does anything ever really fall slowly?”

Since the constant acceleration due to gravity is defined as 9.8m/s^2, all things being equal, there really is no such thing as falling slowly.. we all fall at equal speed.. but then, the key phrase here was all things being equal, and because we don’t exist in a vacuum, nothing is ever equal, all of us live in an environment that is constantly evolving and changing into something very different from each other..

When I jumped off that plane last August, for a brief second I learned what free falling felt like, but it wasn’t enough to turn my stomach upside down, it was just a momentary blur of sky and grass and suddenly the chute came up and everything just slowed down.. I thought I would grow a heart, feel that tiny muscle beat hard or burst in excitement, but it was as calm as a quiet lake on a summer day, I did not have any life changing flashbacks nor sudden realizations and clear epiphanies, I just felt at peace with the world, I thought to myself that I could do this for the rest of my life and I’ll be content.. but like all good things, it ended all too soon and we were back to the ground as if we never left at all..
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even angels cry

​A wimpy character in a random movie I saw from way back said this line after consuming a gallon or so of tequila : in order to be happy now, I should own myself up to the possibility that I might one day be sad, that way I can get on with the rest of my life and not think about it anymore.

Who knew tequila could make wise philosophers out of dorks?
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when the going gets tough

​I felt empty this morning as I walked out the door into a world uncertain. I have avoided this feeling for the longest time but I’m afraid it’s creeping back in.
Eight years ago, I was in a severe state of depression, and although I have come out of it after some serious inner healing sessions, I still feel fragments of the old me resurfacing like fallen debris from a major meltdown.

A friend told me that the best way to suppress a memory is to not intentionally recall it back from the grave. I have not been thinking about things and yet the clouds keep chasing me around.
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sometimes the greatest acts of love are the hardest acts to commit

​to the luckiest man in the world,

today is the beginning of the rest of your life. you will stand there at the end of the aisle as you wait for your future to walk towards you. she will give you her hand and you will promise her one eternity after another, then finally you will hold her in your arms and everything else in the world will fade away.

she has dreamt about you countless times before she even met you. she knew you were out there and she kept this hope in her heart until you came along and made her yours.
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of airports and sunsets

tonight I’m at the LAX pre-boarding lounge looking out the glass window as this giant ball of fire descends on the wings of the parked WestJet Boeing 737. No, that’s not actually a meteor crashing on earth and burning to the ground (although that’s how I feel), it’s just another sunset at the airport, my nth this time around.

with the first half of the year coming to an end, I can’t believe I’ll say it again – time flies like the speed of sound, it flies when you’re having fun but then even if you’re not, it still flies anyway. I wish there was a way to pause it, slow it down or make it move faster, but really we are all just in it for the ride and holding on for dear life. so we have to seize the moment before the moment seizes us.
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when it’s too late

​I’m not really good at apologies, I rarely give them. Not that I don’t make mistakes but more because I think sorry is such a lame word, what does it even mean? It’s not going to undo the transgression nor bring back what was lost, it’s just a word to use when there’s nothing else you can do to make things right. I guess it could also mean an admission of fault, but I’m more focused on how to move on from there.

And yet some people require it, revere it even, so I will use this word just in case you’re cut-out from that lot.
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