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the end.. or the beginning..

​i don’t claim to know the secrets to the universe, i don’t have the answers to life’s questions, i’m just a common person, fallible, damaged, and figuring things out as i go along.. but in between getting lost in this path i took and looking for the light in the next fork on the road, i found you, and you found me, we found each other and a whole new journey became possible, i don’t want to lose you because of who i am right now, i want to keep you for always, but at the same time, i don’t want to destroy you nor hurt you.. so i’m going to stay this time, i won’t take any time off, nor run away to find myself, i want to find myself with you holding my hand.. because i already found myself in you, and if i let you go, if i lose you, then you will take with you a part of me that i can never get back from anybody else.. i think we’re worth a fight.. i want to fight for us.. i don’t want to be the reason that we fail, how can we let something die when it hasn’t even started yet?

so take my hand and walk with me, today, and every day.. for the rest of our lives..

we’ll find the things they say just can’t be found..
i don’t want this feeling to go away..

2017.01.23.4.17.p.m.p.s.t.

even angels cry

​A wimpy character in a random movie I saw from way back said this line after consuming a gallon or so of tequila : in order to be happy now, I should own myself up to the possibility that I might one day be sad, that way I can get on with the rest of my life and not think about it anymore.

Who knew tequila could make wise philosophers out of dorks?
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when the going gets tough

​I felt empty this morning as I walked out the door into a world uncertain. I have avoided this feeling for the longest time but I’m afraid it’s creeping back in.
Eight years ago, I was in a severe state of depression, and although I have come out of it after some serious inner healing sessions, I still feel fragments of the old me resurfacing like fallen debris from a major meltdown.

A friend told me that the best way to suppress a memory is to not intentionally recall it back from the grave. I have not been thinking about things and yet the clouds keep chasing me around.
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remember when the circus came to town

dear ma,

being the only daughter of Lola’s only daughter certainly has its perks, this doesn’t include borrowing your shoes, bags and clothes because they really wouldn’t fit me anyway, but that’s ok. you gave me more than just things that can be bought from a store. you gave me love, faith and patience – although that last trait is sometimes being cancelled out by this other set of genes in my system :).

i am amazed at how crazy our life has been and how we were apart more often than we were together, but despite everything we’ve been through, i will always remember that time when we were sharing a cup of Nissin’s instant ramen in that small room at the second floor of a boarding house in Singalong and you told me it was your birthday. I looked at your sad eyes across the steam rising from the cup between us and gave you a hug – I knew then, more than anything else, that I wanted you to be happy.
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sometimes the greatest acts of love are the hardest acts to commit

​to the luckiest man in the world,

today is the beginning of the rest of your life. you will stand there at the end of the aisle as you wait for your future to walk towards you. she will give you her hand and you will promise her one eternity after another, then finally you will hold her in your arms and everything else in the world will fade away.

she has dreamt about you countless times before she even met you. she knew you were out there and she kept this hope in her heart until you came along and made her yours.
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when it’s too late

​I’m not really good at apologies, I rarely give them. Not that I don’t make mistakes but more because I think sorry is such a lame word, what does it even mean? It’s not going to undo the transgression nor bring back what was lost, it’s just a word to use when there’s nothing else you can do to make things right. I guess it could also mean an admission of fault, but I’m more focused on how to move on from there.

And yet some people require it, revere it even, so I will use this word just in case you’re cut-out from that lot.
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life goes on

one month, nine days, fourteen hours, forty eight minutes and twenty one seconds (time is ticking as I write this) – a million lifetimes over and done with, all neatly packed up in labeled boxes, check-ins and carry ons – the sum total of your five or so months in the land that’s always about to rain. but on rare sunny moments, you have to admit, it actually is the best place on earth.

life goes on, or rather, the rest of your life will unfold once you board that plane and say goodbye to us – your accidental acquaintances and meantime friends – all of this will be nothing more than memories that will soon fall from the back of your head until they become forgotten.
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