even angels cry

‚ÄčA wimpy character in a random movie I saw from way back said this line after consuming a gallon or so of tequila : in order to be happy now, I should own myself up to the possibility that I might one day be sad, that way I can get on with the rest of my life and not think about it anymore.

Who knew tequila could make wise philosophers out of dorks?

I don’t know how to start this, because there really is nothing more left to say. We’re all just kids wading in this big sandbox of life and I feel like I’m done teaching you all the games I know how to play, it’s time to finally set you free so you can run with other kids who may be able to tell you new things, and in turn maybe you can share with them what you’ve learned from me too – only the good stuff, I hope.

It would have been fun if we can all just stay happy and carefree and lie on the sand then watch as the dunes create new landscapes for us to discover and explore but some things just feel like needles in my heart, and I know I won’t be able to survive yet another heartbreak so I have to run along now before I dig a deeper hole and trap myself. It pains me when you choose to swim in the mud just because you think it’s the only way to reach out to other kids who came from other worlds, but it’s not my role to say what you should or shouldn’t do – that’s the road you picked and that road doesn’t include me.

I am done drowning in the mud, I’ve been doing that for the longest time and for the wrong reasons, I even have scars to remind me of my madness. Looking back, it wasn’t worth the trouble at all, no matter how many good stories I can write about them now. Seeing you do the same things just makes me sick in the stomach and as much as I don’t want you to trip on the same rocks, I also cannot cross your bridges for you, there are some battles you have to conquer on your own, because you owe it to yourself to do that.

And so we come to this – this cliff, this chasm that separates mountains from canyons, you can stay there and be safely surrounded by your cozy walls and your chosen poisons or you can jump and grow your wings on the way down.

Either way, I will just be here. I’m done with saying goodbye, but I also can’t just watch all of these happenings around you without cutting a piece of my soul, so I have to step back a little lest I become this annoying person that I hate being around. I’m a fun, playful, adventurous kid who likes taking risks and spur of the moment trips, I’m not a party spoiler nor do I want to play any role similar to that in anyone’s life.

I need some time to find myself, I may have lost me somewhere between the hellos and goodbyes, in between trying to show you the world and keeping you safe. Although I want to take care of people I value, I kinda need to be taken cared of too.. especially when I feel like I’m slipping into some dark shadow. Then again, maybe I have to fix this on my own too.

A year ago, you jumped off a plane to free fall back down to earth, I bet that changed your world. Today you’re taking steps towards another free fall in your life, don’t miss the target, I hope everything goes well – the rest of the world is waiting to be discovered by you.

If you ever need me, you know where to find me. I’m just a letter away.

2016.08.16.1.27.a.m.pst.