fall slowly

“they say don’t fall too fast, but does anything ever really fall slowly?”

Since the constant acceleration due to gravity is defined as 9.8m/s^2, all things being equal, there really is no such thing as falling slowly.. we all fall at equal speed.. but then, the key phrase here was all things being equal, and because we don’t exist in a vacuum, nothing is ever equal, all of us live in an environment that is constantly evolving and changing into something very different from each other..

When I jumped off that plane last August, for a brief second I learned what free falling felt like, but it wasn’t enough to turn my stomach upside down, it was just a momentary blur of sky and grass and suddenly the chute came up and everything just slowed down.. I thought I would grow a heart, feel that tiny muscle beat hard or burst in excitement, but it was as calm as a quiet lake on a summer day, I did not have any life changing flashbacks nor sudden realizations and clear epiphanies, I just felt at peace with the world, I thought to myself that I could do this for the rest of my life and I’ll be content.. but like all good things, it ended all too soon and we were back to the ground as if we never left at all..

Sometimes I think we need a defibrillator to jumpstart our heart and make us feel once more, I’ve been looking for something like that for the longest time but never found one.. for the past few years, it seemed as though I’ve been coasting and inching closer to a flat line, there was no great heartbreak that I used to wallow in, but there wasn’t any great happiness either.. I was almost about to settle for the safety net of mediocrity when life decided it wanted something more out of me..

A little under a year ago today, I decided to take a chance and just go out to make peace with the past, but in the process I met my future, and in between then and now, I’m swimming in the vast unexplored waters of the present, feeling everything and nothing all at once, drowning in the all-consuming fire.. will I sink or will I learn how to float? I don’t know what tomorrow holds, all I know is that every second of every hour of every day, I’m finding hope in the impossible..