Sometimes when you love someone, you want to give them the moon. Even though they probably wanted something totally different, like perhaps a flower, or a butterfly or maybe the sun.
Love blinds you, it makes you think that what’s good for you is good for the other person too, you fail to notice or refuse to accept that you actually value different things.
I’ve made this mistake a couple of times before. I’ve imposed my will on others because I thought that was what’s good for them. I was too caught up in my own reveries that I ignored what was in front of me, the telltale signs I didn’t see.
This weekend is about finding things. But before I could find them, I had to lose them first.
Last night after I did my last minute hotel bookings, I couldn’t find my credit card. I remember placing it on the couch but then somehow between that and dinner, it disappeared. I have never really lost any material thing of value, but lately I’ve been misplacing items, forgetting stuff, losing track of time. So now I have a pile of tasks I need to do and none of them are getting done. I guess all these baggages weighing on me have taken a toll on my mind.
Today mom went to get her biometrics done at the local Comelec pop up booth so I am in charge of accompanying Lola at home. Everything was going well until she remembered that she lost her pig, somebody stole it, so we should get up and look for it. I told her that maybe they turned the pig into Lechon, this being the famous city of roasted pigs but she insisted that we go out and find it. And so we did.
Many sunsets ago, I used to sit here waiting for the moon to come out while the naked stone man with his arms outstretched looked up to the sky as if in surrender. Perhaps he too was waiting for shooting stars, or for some sort of wisdom to rain like manna from heaven so that all important questions will finally be answered.
If any such torrent ever happened back then, I was probably absent, because up to now I still have questions, but unlike before, when I was still blinded by the idealism of youth, I no longer care if these will ever be answered. Maybe this only means I’m finally growing up, or I’m finally letting go.
Sabi nila, marami daw ang nakakalimot lumingon sa kanilang pinanggalingan. Hindi ko minsan naisip na mangyayari to sa kin.
Parang kahapon lang ng ako’y nasa Sibuyan kasama si Lola, umiigib ng tubig sa poso, nagtatampisaw sa ilog at dagat, nagtatabi tabi po sa mga kulipaw at nagbibilang ng mga huni ng kuliglig pagdating ng gabi dahil walang ingay ng mga de kuryenteng gamit sa paligid.
Naalala ko pa na pinapapasok namin ni Lolo ang mga manok sa ilalim ng aming bahay kubo tuwing hapon at ginigising kami ng mga tilaok nito pagdating ng umaga. Pag tanghali naman ay sinusubukan naming sungkitin ang mga lomboy, mangga, at tambis sa aming puno para meron kaming imimiryenda.
does it blink? does it shine?
does it help me make a rhyme?
will it cut? will I bleed?
will it tell me when it’s time?
all these tiny useless things
they keep me away from You
this silver and this gold
they hide from me what’s true
why do people choose to be homeless when they have actual places to call homes? why do people choose to wander, when wandering means they can be lost? is it for the challenge? the adventure? the stories to tell after everything’s done?